I really dunno why that happened. My BMI is 16 and I've been hovering and dipping into 15 for a while. Maybe my answers weren't suitable enough?? Trying to join is part of a relapse anyway but I'm just :/ confused. I definitely meet the BMI requirements.
Sunday, 6 December 2020
Saturday, 5 December 2020
TOOLS: dont do it
You all know what I'm alluding to.
That shit will get caught in your throat and you'll die choking and surrounded by your own vomit. It's not worth it. Your worth more than that. Even if you grip with the force of the hulk you're going to be malnourished and you're literally getting sick you idiot, your grip with falter, and you'll die. Lax will fuck up your colon so you cant poop so that's not worth it. The holy grail of this bullshit harm reduction is using your fingers or teaching your ab muscles how to puke. Don't die with a tool. And dont die using the solutions either.
yeah wtf was with those pedo ana coaches anyway
Like, bad enough these poor girls had an ED, but you had to prey on them too?? fuck off coaches lol.
Why is starving urself so desirable anyway
Is this a direct effect of the diet industry? Fat-shaming in response to the obesity epidemic? Lads all I know is if i get fat ill kill myself
List of EPIC health problems ED has caused for me
- Gastroparesis :)
- Always cold but I'm hot in the middle of the night
- No period
- I have menopause symptoms including a dry hoohaa lmfaoo because I have low estrogen
- Tired all the time
- DEPRESSED
- I HATE MYSELF LMFAO
- My limbs keep going numb and I keep losing feeling
- Confused all the time
- I avoid everyone and everything
- Dizzy all the time
- My heart keeps acting weird
- Oh yeah and when you eat you bloat so fucking much. Like it hurts.
throwback memory to when that medusa blog posted adolescent me's food diarys and ppl argued if i had real anorexia or not
Honestly that blog was really good, and the shock factor definitely scared me from purging behaviour at times. But yeah, some anons arguing is really fucking weird. I was 14 at the time yeah, and I ate a lot of junk food because we'd go there for dinner. You don't always get the choice to eat epic small proana meals at 14. And it sort of solidified the fake idea that you're not a ''true ana'' or some 2000 something shit if you didn't eat the right way. You can be ana and eat anything lmfao. It's so weird. But so was the proana movement in general; it's not something to strive for and it's just miserable and expensive.
I'm so fucking tired :)
I've reached my LW; I'm thinner than what I was at 14, but yet I feel so horribly fat and disgusting I want to tear my skin off, and hold and squeeze the fat so that I can remind myself how worthless my weight is. I suppose an eating disorder never goes away, and those years where proana and promia were glamourised was absolutely fucking retarded. My ED happened because it was a coping mechanism for the shit I went through, and I'm still unhappy. I'll never be happy with myself. I don't want to look like an adult; the idea of looking like a 'woman' and being sexualised disgusts me. I have a small body, I have no 'assets' so to speak, but I bought and wear binders anyway so I can seem just that bit smaller and make sure nobody can think about my chest.
I don't think I could ever go somewhere to cure myself or get help from my ED because I feel too fat, and if I gained weight I'd hate myself, though I already loathe myself to the point of starvation and self harm. I want to reach my UGW of a BMI 14 and sit there in maintenance and self-loathing, and hope men don't think of me as something worth fucking. I hope they see me as someone frail or underage, and I'm determined to stay that way. I'm not sure I'll ever get well, and I'm not sure if I want to.
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