wow im still here lol

 still have an ed but i just get really inactive online :\

not thinspo skinny but at least i can say i spent half my life underweight now. #epic 

does anyone unironically wanna be my ana buddy

 or ed buddy lmfao. i have ana bp and im able to give loads of tricks related to purging. legit i know all the tricks and can purge literally everything out. i'm so fucking sad and lonely lol pls give me attention 

i've had this stupid blog since i was a preteen but i still havent deleted it in my 20s lol

 I'm just anxious all the time and lonely. I wish i could've joined some ED community, like MPA or some shit but i've been too anxious to join it. I'm underweight rn but i'm so fucking stupid i've been struggling to get to 38kg for the past 2 years now lmao. should just take the plunge and starve myself completely but i keep having the urge to binge and purge. idfk. at least i know how to b&p without leaving anything in. I'm 42.2 rn and i really just want to shed the last few kgs to get to my UGW of 38. don't even know why 38 is such an IMPORTANT NUMBER but it is lol.

I'm just too anxious to join anything. I'm thinking of ED twt but i've n e v e r been on twitter so i'm scared. I wish i could get an ana buddy or just a fucking buddy or anything. I've got nothing going for me in life. The only thing I think about is my weight and how fat I am. I'm really depressed and it's a constant. 

Rejected from skinny gossip??

 I really dunno why that happened. My BMI is 16 and I've been hovering and dipping into 15 for a while. Maybe my answers weren't suitable enough?? Trying to join is part of a relapse anyway but I'm just :/ confused. I definitely meet the BMI requirements. 

TOOLS: dont do it

 You all know what I'm alluding to. 

That shit will get caught in your throat and you'll die choking and surrounded by your own vomit. It's not worth it. Your worth more than that. Even if you grip with the force of the hulk you're going to be malnourished and you're literally getting sick you idiot, your grip with falter, and you'll die. Lax will fuck up your colon so you cant poop so that's not worth it. The holy grail of this bullshit harm reduction is using your fingers or teaching your ab muscles how to puke. Don't die with a tool. And dont die using the solutions either. 

yeah wtf was with those pedo ana coaches anyway

 Like, bad enough these poor girls had an ED, but you had to prey on them too?? fuck off coaches lol. 

Why is starving urself so desirable anyway

 Is this a direct effect of the diet industry? Fat-shaming in response to the obesity epidemic? Lads all I know is if i get fat ill kill myself 

List of EPIC health problems ED has caused for me

• Gastroparesis :)
• Always cold but I'm hot in the middle of the night
• No period
• I have menopause symptoms including a dry hoohaa lmfaoo because I have low estrogen
• Tired all the time
• DEPRESSED
• I HATE MYSELF LMFAO
• My limbs keep going numb and I keep losing feeling
• Confused all the time
• I avoid everyone and everything
• Dizzy all the time
• My heart keeps acting weird
• Oh yeah and when you eat you bloat so fucking much. Like it hurts.
• 
  
• 
  

The only thing I'm glad for is that I didn't abuse lax. I don't have colon problems thank goddd 

throwback memory to when that medusa blog posted adolescent me's food diarys and ppl argued if i had real anorexia or not

 Honestly that blog was really good, and the shock factor definitely scared me from purging behaviour at times. But yeah, some anons arguing is really fucking weird. I was 14 at the time yeah, and I ate a lot of junk food because we'd go there for dinner. You don't always get the choice to eat epic small proana meals at 14. And it sort of solidified the fake idea that you're not a ''true ana'' or some 2000 something shit if you didn't eat the right way. You can be ana and eat anything lmfao. It's so weird. But so was the proana movement in general; it's not something to strive for and it's just miserable and expensive. 

hahaha lmao body check time

 I'm so depressed lol. none of my clothes fit me :)

I'm so fucking tired :)

I've reached my LW; I'm thinner than what I was at 14, but yet I feel so horribly fat and disgusting I want to tear my skin off, and hold and squeeze the fat so that I can remind myself how worthless my weight is. I suppose an eating disorder never goes away, and those years where proana and promia were glamourised was absolutely fucking retarded. My ED happened because it was a coping mechanism for the shit I went through, and I'm still unhappy. I'll never be happy with myself. I don't want to look like an adult; the idea of looking like a 'woman' and being sexualised disgusts me. I have a small body, I have no 'assets' so to speak, but I bought and wear binders anyway so I can seem just that bit smaller and make sure nobody can think about my chest. 

I don't think I could ever go somewhere to cure myself or get help from my ED because I feel too fat, and if I gained weight I'd hate myself, though I already loathe myself to the point of starvation and self harm. I want to reach my UGW of a BMI 14 and sit there in maintenance and self-loathing, and hope men don't think of me as something worth fucking. I hope they see me as someone frail or underage, and I'm determined to stay that way. I'm not sure I'll ever get well, and I'm not sure if I want to. 

 

Fat horror story

God I hate myself so much

Fatspo: They think they look hot edition!

It's funny, I got almost all of these off tumblr under the rag 'bbw'. They think engorged, overfed pigs is attractive!
All of these girls think they look hot, but just looking at them makes me feel so sick I don't want to touch food again.

Remember, this is what happens if you binge.
Don't give up.
Don't be one of these slobs.
You are better than that.
Ana knows you are.

Update on me

Marceline here, struggling to get rid of her disgusting bulimia, and a 5'3, 125lbs of pure, unadulterated fat.

Most my family members are tall, I think I'm so small compared to everyone because of these eating disorder stages I've had since I was 11 that have stunted my growth. People don't understand it when you talk to them either.

"Why don't you stop purging?"
"Why can't you eat trigger foods, it's just food!"
"Just stop thinking about it!"

People tell me this when I tell them of my secret or they discover it themselves. It's as if they think you can switch it on or off, like it's a mood, and they're so blissfully unaware that just looking at them makes you want to cry.

I've eaten too much today, and I'm thinking about purging as my disgusting, fat, and slobbish belly fills me with guilty feelings of 'full'. Of course it's the amount of food a girl would normally eat, but I know it's too much regardless, too much food to be thin, too much food yo be perfect. I remember thinking to myself when I was 13; "you can't kill yourself now, you're too fat to die."

And that's what I'm feeling now too. If I die, at least I can die pretty and thin instead of a 125lb mess of fat.

If you can't tell I really don't like myself.  I need to be a role model, and be pretty and skinny because me right now is obviously not good enough.

Blog is going to go through some construction.

Marceline here (finally)

Yeah, I..haven't been on this blog for quite a while. Got Mia and I'm on my way to getting rid of her.
Anyway, no, I haven't really suffered major health effects. Fainting spells and vertigo aren't really anything compared to the constant dangers people bombard you about, so Mia didn't ruin my teeth, or break a hole in my oesophagus, or cause all my hair to fall out as many might have thought would happen.
I still don't recommend it, and just because it didn't happen to me doesn't mean it won't happen to you. Mia is not what I recommend because you can't tell for sure how many calories you purge, and stuffing food down your throat like a starved pig and smelling like vomit for hours later as if a reminder of your failure only concentrated by that added fear of being caught isn't something I enjoy.

I've realised this blog IS popular, though. So it wouldn't be fair if I just left it.
I'll update you guys on my journey and junk later

Keep strong guys
xx

I haven't been on this blog for years.

Lame. Anyway, in case you guys were wondering; Yes I did get thin. Pretty generic in the way I got there but you get the picture. Kinda.

Here's a photo of my current thigh gap at the moment though, pretty good considering the fact that I started with both my thighs AND knees rubbing against each other. 

I guess I like the attention sometimes ugh attention whore much?

That's the sole reason why I'm posting anyway. 

Why is this blog so popular anyway it's just a stupid blog. 

7 hour session at the zen9 fit programme class thingy

my muscles STILL hurt, but it was totally worth it, and I got a trophy! Just shows you that hard work pays.

size 2

FINALLY! ugh, I wanna be a size 0 so badly but this is so extremly close >< It sucks though that my  family have begun to watch me and stuff now, want me to be fat. WELL IM NOT GONNA GIVE UP I WILL BE A SIZE 0! JUST YOU WAIT! ILL MAKE ALL OF YOUS WHOVE CALLED ME FAT REGRET IT!

Is ''starvation mode'' a myth

So I was randomly looking up how to increase metabolism when I came accross this article on fattyfightsback's blog. I will just copy and paste it to avoid the trouble for you people. (link)

MTYHBUSTERS: Starvation Mode

There are a number of nutritional myths running around out there on the web. Mythbusters is one of my favourite shows and misinformation annoys me, so I decided to do a series of articles on each myth examining what is and isn't true about it. (Plus stealing the Mythbusters title makes me feel like Kari Byron, or at least like I could be her mother.)
So let's start by examining the whole "starvation mode" idea that you see all the time in articles about dieting. I picked this one to start with because I'm now tracking my food on My Fitness Pal and the number of people there screaming "starvation mode" is about 10x higher than most of the other weight loss boards I go to. They annoy the heck out of me, so I want to "answer" them in a permanent way vs. just arguing with them over and over on the boards there.
So what is the Starvation Mode Myth? It goes like this:
"If you don't eat enough, you won't lose weight!"
Okay, so all I have to do to lose weight is ... eat more food! Wow, isn't that awesome? If I stall out at 800 calories, I'll just go up to 1000. And if I stall at 1000, I'll go to 1200. If that doesn't work, how about 1500? 1800? 2200? Oh wait, when I ate 2200 calories, I weighed 223 pounds. Okay, that's not going to work.
But what if I just don't go below the magic "1200" that "everyone" says "no one" should go below? That must be what they mean by "starvation mode," right? If I stay at 1200, I will lose weight but if I go below that, I won't.
The problem with this idea is that, if it were true, no one would die from starvation and obviously people do. Clearly, even if you eat what is obviously too few calories to be healthy, such as an anorexic does, you will continue to lose weight.
So where did this idea -- that not eating enough calories makes you not lose weight -- come from? 
It started with the famous Minnesota starvation study. Some normal-weighted men agreed to live on a compound where their exercise and diet was strictly controlled. For portions of the study, they were on a "starvation diet" which is defined as 50% of the calories your body needs to function. 
For me, these days, that's about 750-850 calories a day. So I was on a starvation diet up for the first four months after my surgery. Yet I lost weight just fine during that period -- better than fine, really. Most of the people on The Biggest Loser are also on starvation diets, from what I can tell. They may eat a lot more than I do but they also exercise strenuously 6-8 hours a day. So they are often below 50% of their calorie expenditure for the day. They seem to lose just fine too.
How can this be?!
The answer lies in what actually happened to the Minnesota guys when they were on their starvation diets.
Like most of us on a diet, their metabolisms did slow down. In fact, after they'd been on this diet for a while -- we're talking months, not days here -- their body fat percentage got to a point below what is considered minimal to live on (about 5% for a guy, 6% for a gal). At this point, their metabolism had slowed down as much as 40%. But -- and this is the important point for those of us on a diet -- they continued to lose weight. Even with that big of a slow down in their BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate), they were still operating at a great enough calorie deficit to lose.
If this is true with a 40% slow down, it's even more true when the slow down is somewhere in the 14 - 22% range, which is more where if falls with normal dieting.
WARNING MATH CONTENT AHEAD:
Take an individual who needs 2,000 calories per day to maintain their current weight. Assuming calorie expenditure remains the same, they will lose (approximately) as follows:

Calories	Expected Loss Per Week	Actual Loss
2,000	0 pound	0 pound
1,500	1 pound	1 pound
1,000	2 pounds	2 pound
500	3 pounds	2¼ to 2½ pounds

As you can see from the table, once you go below a certain calorie level, you aren't getting the weight loss you'd expect. This is because your BMR will go down more if you eat only 500 calories compared to eating 1500. But, as you can see, you are still losing more than if you were eating 1000 calories. 
This is a lot different than the "no" weight loss that the "starvation mode" myth touts.
The other important point to note about this study is that it was performed on normal-weighted men. When starvation studies have been done on the obese, they find that the impact of the starvation diet is much less. Our bodies have fat stores designed to get us through a famine (i.e., a diet) and when we have a famine (i.e., a diet), those fat stores get used. The drastic slowdown of the metabolism doesn't happen until those fat stores are largely gone -- which takes a lot longer for the obese than for those who only have to lose 10-25 pounds.
So why are we told not to go under 1200 calories a day, unless under a doctor's supervision? 
Mostly because, the more you reduce your intake, the harder it is to get the nutritients you need from food. If you are on a very low calorie diet (as I am), you need to see your doctor(s) regularly, get labs done regularly, etc. Not to mention, vitamin supplementation is a must. Doing what I'm doing on your own can be dangerous, as you may not know or noticed the signs of a vitamin or mineral deficiency. Don't forget: some vitamin deficiencies can kill you!
Another reason not to go below a certain calorie expenditure is that human beings are not machines and, unlike the guys in the Minnesota study, we aren't living on a compound with our activity and food strictly controlled. As a result, when we reduce our calories substantially, there is a tendency to subconsciously (or even consciously) reduce our calorie expenditure. Combine this with our tendency to under-report what we eat and over-report our exercise, and you can see where we can get into trouble.
As an example, one Saturday I did a killer two hour workout. After which, I came home and took a three hour nap! Obviously my calorie expenditure that day was lower than if I hadn't taken the nap.
Now, I still lost weight that week. But if I was only eating 500 calories for months at time, I doubt I'd be able to have done that workout to begin with -- I'd still be doing the 30 min. low intensity workouts that I started with. Plus, I might also be taking naps a lot more than once in a while. Both of which would have impacted my weight loss because they would have decreased my calorie expenditure. 
Eating more over time has allowed me to exercise more so that, as a result, my rate of weight loss hasn't gone down as much as it could have as my calories have gone up. Plus I'm happy because I'm fitter and healthier.

I hope this cleared up things for many of you, starvation mode is just a lie parents make up so you'll eat more and gain weight. They don't actually want you to lose weight you know ='_'=